In the middle of my third grade year of elementary school, my family moved five hundred miles away to a new state. Being the 1980s, there weren’t many options available to keep in touch, and I chose the tried-and-true method of writing. My younger self was full of optimism that converting all my friends to instant pen pals might change the nature of our relationship, but that it would ultimately succeed; I pictured myself writing faithfully about all my grand adventures, mailing those missives to my friends and waiting in return for their updates by the post box. It was a rather cozy fantasy. The ensuing reality that came to play out was that I wrote a handful of times, if that, and received a few letters in return. My youthful friendships withered under the neglect of distance, and I began new ones in their place.
Pen pals have been around as long as there have been language, something to write on and a way to deliver it. While I had mistakenly believed that writing back and forth to my friends would make us pen pals, that isn’t precisely the case. Pen pals are, more accurately, the correspondence between two people who have never previously (or only briefly) met. The term came into popularity in the 1930s, following the phrase “pen friends” about two decades earlier, and which continues to be the expression of choice in England.
Deciding to write to a stranger may seem like an odd life choice; why would one take the time to hand write or type out details of one’s own life to a person they never intend to meet? In a world moving increasingly faster, with less time and more connections than ever just the click of a button away, this may seem completely counterintuitive. How can such an outdated mode of communication possibly be beneficial?
There are times in one’s life where it may not be. When I tried it, as a child, it was certainly not the right fit for me. I could imagine that a busy college student, cramming for exams, overwhelmed with the stress of work and obligations might not find it as beneficial, especially when they are at a time of life to have many connections present in their lives. As we age, however, many of us tend to get busier. The obligations on our time only increase. Our deep connections with others may not keep pace. It is incumbent on us to make time, as we must make time for anything of import. Whether it is leisure or work or learning something new, something we realize as we get older is that we must become masters of our own time; it will not stop for us no matter how busy we are. And busy we are. We all are. Writing, conversely, can alleviate some of the stress of a busy life, as it allows one to focus one’s thoughts and quiet the constant noise that often becomes normal in a day.
One sheet of paper or one email is all you have to decide how to present yourself. You choose what is important, what thoughts to express, what matters to relate. Over time, in a correspondence, writing becomes an exercise for your benefit as much as for the receiver as you sift through the actions of your days and decide what to present. It is the art of discussing yourself and your thoughts with an impartial actor. There is no commitment. It is a gift you give yourself, and the gift you can give to others in return by paying attention to the words they have chosen to present.
Writing can alleviate boredom, foster creativity, set a new perspective, teach and, most importantly for some, ease loneliness. Some surprising famous pairs were Tony Danza and Tupac Shakur, Catherine the Great and Voltaire, and Carey Mulligan and Marcus Mumford, although there are many more. It isn’t ever too late to become part of the process. Who do know in your life who could benefit from a writing companion today?
