Valentine’s Day

February 14: It’s the most problematic date on the calendar. Even children are not immune to the
tricky nature of the holiday; if the etiquette of card-giving isn’t followed in the classroom, tears and
reprimands are sure to follow. On the other hand, if one pays a little too much attention to a fellow
classmate, whispers abound. Is it any wonder that the patron saint of this circus is portrayed as an
innocent cherub holding a weapon? The dual message of the day is present from when we begin our
earliest social interactions.

The history of Valentine’s Day is somewhat murky. Some credit the origins of the day to a bishop
from Terni, Italy, others to a priest from third century Rome while still more believe that Valentine was an
entirely different figure altogether. Whichever man brought the festival to bear, we do know that the
February of the present is a month of hearts and flowers. The expectation for such is great. The stores are
awash in hues of pink and red; roses are pushed to the forefront of the displays and candy suppliers
package sweets in special wrappings to make sure this isn’t confused with ordinary chocolate but are
noted as a select, Valentine’s variety. Teddy bears nod their overstuffed heads and the shelf that holds
greeting cards nearly sags to bursting. Glitter dusts the whole of these wares as if Tinkerbelle herself had
escaped Neverland for a few weeks in midwinter.
It has long been the accepted practice to show a token of one’s love by purchasing, well … a token.

The peril of this in the inverse is often starkly apparent on Valentine’s Day: if one does not receive a
token, is one not loved? Even beyond consumerism, Valentine’s Day has grown into a behemoth that often
highlights a position of loneliness in many lives. In reaching for a head of lettuce or a can of beans at the
grocery store, it is hard not to catch notice of that spray of red roses out of the corner of one’s eye and feel
the sting of censure that is quick to follow: I am lonely. I am alone.

As per an article in Forbes, this is the case for most adults in the US today. According to Cigna’s
2020 Loneliness Index, in which participants filled out a survey for the UCLA Loneliness Scale, 58% say
they feel as if they always or sometimes feel like no one knows them well. Forty-nine percent feel as
though they lack companionship, 47% feel as though their relationships have no meaning and 45% said
they always or sometimes feel no longer close to anyone. All of these answers are up as compared to
previous years. For the close to 60% of us who feel alone in one way or another on Valentine’s Day, just leaving
the house anytime in February can be a painful task when inundated with reminders of all this love. What
can be done? Hunker down like Punxatawney Phil and wait for spring?

It’s worth noting that Valentine’s Day is not strictly for romance. Many of us have forgotten that, as
the holiday is often marketed towards lovers. In fact, it is meant to be a day for all forms of love: parental,
filial, affection towards friends and even self love. This is a holiday that should be focused on celebrating
our connections with others, and even checking in on our own well being. While tokens of love and
affection are certainly appropriate and probably appreciated, they are not necessary. The first and more
important thing to cultivate, especially on this day, are acts of kindness. Reaching out with something
thoughtful and simple is sometimes all that is needed to let someone know they are important to you. A
phone call, e-mail, text or little note is all that you need to tell someone what is in your heart. These are
the tokens a relationship is built on. Starting small can breach many years and harsh words or bolster any
friendship. A first step is all you need to strengthen a connection and heal loneliness in February and
beyond. At its core, Valentine’s Day is a clarion call to connect or reconnect with people we value in our
lives. While we don’t need all the fancy trappings, we do need relationships. The data is clear that we are
suffering. Valentine’s Day is a hope. Now, perhaps more than ever, we need it. Will you heed its call?